generalized anxiety

i actually wrote this post a while ago (you will be able to tell when you get to the news section) and then got nervous to post it. well, i am over feeling anxiety about posting these thoughts, so, read on.

generalized anxiety

so, lets just get this out of the way: i see a therapist weekly.

it doesn’t make me nervous to tell you, internet, that this is a reality. i do know when i mention this recurring weekly event in my life that a lot of people get nervous. they lean back in their chairs or take an unknowing step backwards. suddenly it seems that they suddenly become aware of their hands and forget how to let them just be. people fidget when i say “oh, i can’t then, i have therapy.”

we can talk about this subject of why our culture is so afraid of therapists, or talking about employing/utilizing them, some other time. for now lets leave that and get to what i have actually been mulling over enough to blog about for the past few days/week(s):

when one has health insurance one has to turn in a “code” on their receipts from their therapist showing what they are in therapy for. for example: if one has been diagnosed with depression or as bipolar or any other myriad of mental health diagnosis this would be their code. i’ve been contemplating my “code” recently when my therapist re-stated what she was putting in that box for my insurance.

i am coded for the health insurance world as having “generalized anxiety.” that phrase has been rolling around in my mind on my daily walks and runs. it seems to me that it is the existence of what many in the christian world call the “brokenness”* of the world.

more than once in the past week i have listened to the news on my walk to work and needed to take an extra few blocks to get my tears under control. (who am i kidding, that isn’t just this past week.) the violent death of a journalist in syria, the larger massacre occurring in syria, unrest in sudan and nigeria, people dumping ice on their head to fight a terrible disease, last words being “i don’t have a gun! stop shooting!”

perhaps we all have generalized anxiety.



*re: brokenness — this is a christian concept that i have also been thinking about a lot. i am not sure how i feel about the Church throwing that word around fairly carelessly. do i disagree with the concept of the world being already and not yet in regards to the kingdom of god? no, i do not disagree. it is clear that this world has not reached perfection. but the brand of perfection varies drastically from the ultra conservative to the wildly liberal–therefore the definition of “brokenness” does, too. perhaps more on that on a different day.


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