not to read first

i am posting two entries at the same time. this entry will make a heap-load more sense if you read the one below first!


well. i did hear what i did not want to hear. and all parties involved seemed to have survived.
            but this doesn’t mean that i am happy about it.
mostly, i’m not sure what to believe. who is telling the truth or if this entire thing is just a big misunderstanding whose root is just waiting to be uncovered somewhere in the depths of the darkness that is talking about money.

i am hoping, however, that it is indeed just a misunderstanding–and that everything can be sorted out–and that no one is actually lying. which most things point to, so that is indeed a relief.

something that i thought about on the walk back from meeting with her, is that this is part of the journey.
before i left the house i confessed my trepidation about going to meet her–but eventually concluded that this friendship business is a package deal.

            which i already knew.
                        i know that friendship is a package deal, and i have always expected to be in friendships for the good and the bad. for the fun and the frustrating.
                                    but this is a totally new kind of situation to be in in a friendship.

so here i am sorting it out.
            praying about it.
                        wondering about it.
                                    hoping that things work out for the best–but knowing that sometimes things do not work                             out for the best.

but also knowing that even if things do not work out for the best (okay so if by “for the best” i mean the way that i wand them to work out…) that god didn’t make it this way. god isn’t holding her back for because she is uganda. god didn’t take money away from her. god didn’t create all of this drama…
            and knowing that god didn’t make it this way is a comfort, odd as that may sound.
                        we live in a broken and sinful world. and this means that we get trampled on sometimes. and that there are things that we cannot fix sometimes. (a lot the time, it seems lately.)

the greatest comfort comes in knowing that regardless of the situation that god is there.
            god is with her when she is struggling to find university fees.
            god is with those who want to sponsor her.
            god is even with those who would be dishonest.
                        what an odd thing to find comforting!
i guess it boils down to knowing that god is there.
            and knowing that things aren’t supposed to be this way.
                        that this is not how god created the world to be.
                                    god did not create the world to be broken and full of sin and hurt. and that we were not created to break                                       and hurt one another. that we were not created be hurt and broken in such ways.
                                                the blame, indeed, lies in human hands.
                                                            but regardless of the harm we cause one another, god is there. in the pain and suffering                                                                        and brokenness with us.

on the other hand–this doesn’t fix the problem.
            there is still a shortage of money.
            something has indeed gone awry.
            i cannot fix it.
so i am prone to ask, “oh god, if you are really there, then where the hell are you?”

                                                                                                                          i cannot hold these two things in my head at once.





in other, mostly unrelated news:
            we went shopping today for supplies to take up north with us:
general spices, rice, beans, cleaning supplies and such things…
            i also needed to acquire a pillow and kelly needed a blanket.
                        so we went to this shop called game. its mostly like a target, without the food.
                        we were sent in to find 2 pillows (one for patrick in hoima, and one for me in kotido), 2 blankets, a fan and                                     surge protector. what probably could have taken about twenty minutes took an hour. maybe a little more.
finding those stupid pillows was like a wild goose chase!
but we did find them.
            adventures in shopping were had, that is true.

the driver who is driving kelly and i to kotido on monday arrived this afternoon.
            he was traveling by bus yesterday from kotido… he hadn’t even gotten quite half-way here when the bus he was                         traveling on got stuck in the mud… but he did reach these ends today.
                        he came to the mcc house. we met him. we had tea and pleasantries.
kelly and i were given good advice (not by the driver, but by a country rep) to wear the best under-clothing that we have for that journey…when we say it is a “bit” bumpy on the “roads” that really doesn’t even begin to describe the intensity of jostling around that comes with that.
            so know that when you come to visit. pack well. 🙂

tomorrow is sunday–so we are going to church. (like you do).
            there are whispers of brunch, which are my favorite kinds of whispers.

tomorrow evening will be spent at the ndere cultural center in ntinda– enjoying music and dances from all around uganda!
i am certainly looking forward to it!


please patiently endure my “radio silence” in the next few days (week? weeks?) as kelly and i settle into our home in kotido and find our way around. one of our first missions will be to buy mattresses (i believe we are borrowing some for the first night or so) so that should be an adventure all in itself!

until then.


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